Dead Ends and New Beginnings
by uiytrcgvhbvyi
Summary: 1st of December to 1st of January oneshots inspired by various Taylor Swift songs. Also in no particular order, so they jump forwards and backwards in time! Tiva. McAbby. One story posted every other day
1. Back to December - Abby

**A/N:**Hey! Happy December guys! So I had this idea a few months ago, I don't have enough Taylor Swift songs (or creativity) for every day so I will post one every other day!****

**Disclaimer: NCIS characters are not mine, neither are Taylor Swift's lyrics!**

* * *

_You've been good, busier than ever,  
We small talk, work and the weather,  
Your guard is up and I know why.  
Because the last time you saw me  
Is still burned in the back of your mind.  
You gave me roses and I left them there to die._

* * *

The first of December. Just an ordinary day in the calender, yet it felt so magical, so unique. One step closer to the day Abigail Sciuto was absolutely head over heels in love with – Christmas Day. Abby always found herself in her element in the days leading up to the Christian holiday, the hours she was not working she spent decorating her lab, apartment and friend's desks. It also marked the month she had broken up with McGee, many years ago, the biggest mistake she had ever made.

"Hey Abby" McGee's soft voice startled her but he was quite obviously not paying close enough attention to her to notice "You got those results?"

"Not yet … um … 20 minutes?" she said.

"Okay then. See you later" with that he turned tail and left her alone once again.

Abby sat slumped in her chair and stared after the other thing she was head over heels in love with "Timmy" her voice could have been mistaken for the breath of the wind, her voice was not stable enough to come out any louder than that, as the burning tears tumbled haphazardly down her ashen cheeks "I'm sorry" her upper body gave up on her as she collapsed onto her cluttered desk and her loose slate hair flopped dejectedly around her curved face, McGee had not even cared enough to notice the lack of characteristic bouncy pigtails. "I'm so, so sorry" for the tenth year in a row she was back to December again and she had not loved it in all that time.

* * *

_But this is me swallowing my pride  
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."  
And I go back to December..._

* * *

That night Abby drew her covers right up to her neck, then past her neck and over her bowed head so that she was completely cocooned, she was trying to block out the world, trying to isolate herself from reality. Before she had cut herself off she had glanced at the clock – 2am. She had never been a solid sleeper but recently she had been finding it increasingly harder and harder to let herself be claimed by the restful embrace of sleep. Abby hugged Bert to her chest, his plush pale head gently brushing her soft lips. Her idea filled mind drifted back to when McGee had first stayed the night at her house, his help had been required on a case and she had let him stay at her place, one thing lead to another and before she knew it they were in bed together. But then, just as swiftly as it had begun, it all ended. McGee and she had been looking for different things out of their relationship, and then when he transferred to Gibbs' team, with rule #12 and all, she had walked out on him.

* * *

_These days I haven't been sleeping,  
Staying up, playing back myself leaving.  
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.  
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,  
I watched you laughing from the passenger side.  
Realized I loved you in the fall._

* * *

Beside her bed her phone buzzed almost angrily. Reluctantly she pushed her arm out through the soft, warm fold of the bed sheets and briefly fumbled around for the gadget. Her eyes screamed at her as the screen lit up brightly. When her eyes finally adjusted to the searing light she made out what the notification said 'Tim McGee – Birthday'. A fresh batch of spikes leapt out of her eyes and attacked her cheeks. She felt her fingers loosen on the phone and it slipped from her grasp, she did not hear the crash as her cell hit the floor, her ears blocked out the noise, it was like her life had stopped. Time simply ceased to be.

Summer. The summer before they broke up, they had barely been going out for a couple of weeks. They had been happy, carefree, clicheably so. They had fun, mucked around like immature school children. They had been for drives, been all over the place, all throughout D.C. and Norfolk. She heard herself calling for McGee to hurry up, her voice was jokey, light and teasing. A smiling McGee was trailing happily along behind her, his face aloof and bright, he called back to her assuring her that he was coming, she was just going too fast.

These where just flashbacks, mirages, reminiscence on a lonely night. She had to live in the real world now – that part of her life was over. Abby had been running all her life from the world; now it had finally caught up with her.

_So this is me swallowing my pride_

_Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."_

* * *

**A/N: Yes I realize that 'clicheably' is not a word, but is should be****!**_**  
**_


	2. All Too Well - Tony

**A/N: Hi again. Thanks Guests for your suggestions I've added the songs in to my list. This one's a little shorter so apologies. So ... because you all need to know about my life I'm going on a school science trip tomorrow so yay! I also failed my Italian speaking exam today :(, I just had a complete mind blank and started hyperventilating and having a panic attack. But anyway hands up anyone who jumps out of bed each morning just to open their advent calender. Go on. Hands up!**

It was one of those rare days when Gibbs had allowed his team the day off. Begrudgingly Tony had decided that he needed to clear out his apartment for the first time in years. He started in the living room but in a moment of boredom he had switched on the TV and flicked through the channels until he found something he recognized, a film he had watched so many times with his partner – The Sound of Music. It was halfway through but that did not matter. Ziva had made him watch it so many times so he now knew it off by heart. He was rooting through a draw when he came across a long blue scarf, it had yellow and navy swirly circles on it.

"Strange" he said aloud "Wonder how old it is" he was just about to throw it out when he caught a familiar smell. It was inviting, like an old friend's fire heated house on a freezing winters night, it smelt like peaches and all other kinds of beautiful fruits "Ziva"

* * *

_And I left my scarf there at your sister's house,  
And you've still got it in your drawer even now._

* * *

FLASHBACK

"Tony!" Ziva laughed as she wandered around touching things that caught her eye "Have you got the Sound of Music?"

"Yeah … somewhere" he could not help but watch the woman as she removed the scarf from around her neck. Gingerly, almost lovingly she placed her scarf down on the table "Do not let me forget that" she warned sternly but with a smile in her dazzling eyes.

"Don't worry I won't Ziva" he flashed his adorably charming and charismatic grin.

END FLASHBACK

He had forgotten to remind her and she had walked away from his apartment without it and had never picked it up again. He wished he had reminded her but then again, he missed her a lot and it was nice to have a little piece of her. That was a feeling he knew all too well.

* * *

_And I know it's long gone  
And there was nothing else I could do  
And I forget about you long enough  
To forget why I needed to..._

* * *

Sighing to himself he rubbed his hand over his face as the end credits of the film rolled. His 'spring' (really it was winter) cleaning had been abandoned and he had spent well over an hour slumped on his couch gazing at but not really seeing the TV, floaty azure material in hand. He was abruptly brought out of his stupor by a gentle yet dominating knock at the door. He dropped the scarf onto the couch and shuffled to the door, forlornly he swung it open. He did not like his remembering being interrupted. But his feelings vanished the split second he saw who was standing there.

"I came for my scarf" she said simply, a hint of annoyance in her voice.

His face fell "Oh … right" he walked away from the door and she did not follow "Are you not coming in?"

"No" she answered simply.

Once she was gone once more he laid down on his bed again gazing but not exactly seeing. This was why he needed the reminders, to get him through the days he felt like dying. Now he had nothing, yet still he remembered.

* * *

_'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so  
Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known  
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well _


	3. Picture to Burn - McGee

**A/N: I found McGee really hard to write so sorry. I had a great trip yesterday if you were interested. I walked into a chemistry lab and there was a picture of Benedict Cumberbatch on the board an I had a fangirling moment! If you guys have tumblr then please follow my blog (I have about 5 followers), my name is " mylittleshipocean "**

* * *

_State the obvious, I didn't get my perfect fantasy  
I realize you love yourself more than you could ever love me_

* * *

McGee sat solemnly at his lonely desk in the corner of the bullpen, he looked left … nop there was no Tony, he looked ahead of him … again no Gibbs, and then he looked once more, this time diagonally left of him … no Ziva. He was all alone in the vibrant orange squadroom. Surreptitiously he slid his top raw open. On the surface of all the clutter rested a glossy old picture. It was not old as in from a long time ago, say, over 3 decades for example. No. It was no more that a third of that time period old, but it depicted long forgotten times, almost as if it captured another world, or perhaps even another dimension. In fact it was probably the latter: a different reality.

* * *

_That's fine you won't mind if I say  
By the way... _

_I hate that stupid old pick up truck  
You never let me drive  
You're a redneck heartbreak  
Who's really bad at lying_

* * *

Tenderly and gently he stroked the familiar image with his pale thumb, he reminisced of his past frolickings, of 10 years ago. Today was the day, he did not know the exact date but her could feel it. A decade to the day. After this long maybe it was time to move on. Sure he had tried before, but this time if he tried, if he really, really tried, then maybe, just maybe he could finally break free from his unrelenting heartbreak.

* * *

_So watch me strike a match  
On all my wasted time  
As far as I'm concerned you're  
Just another picture to burn!_

* * *

Once more he smoothed the slightly creased edges of the dearly treasured picture, quietly offering it one final last loving smile by way of tender goodbye he painfully scrunched it in his sweating palm and tossed it carelessly into his plastic nearby bin. The extraordinary memory of the deviously enchanting black haired girl's joyously beaming face still searingly burned into his memory. Not for long, he though to himself as the quiescence washed over him, not for long.

* * *

_So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy_  
_ That's fine I'll tell mine that you're gay!_

* * *

Tony was being nosy again. He was in his late 30s / early 40s, he should know by now that going through peoples belongings was disrespectful, and their bins? That was borderline stalkerish. Sifting through all the rubbish that was McGee's bin's contents he came across a scrumpled up piece of paper that he was sure was not his own. Intrigued he gingerly uncurled the artifact, mindful not to tear it. His brow furrowed as he looked at the sliced up bit of tree, for it was not case notes or writing, oh no, it was a photograph. The girl in the image was instantly recognizable, for she was like younger sister to him ...

... Abby!

* * *

**A/N: So sorry about the length again and all the made up words (I can't help it!)**


	4. Change - Ziva

**A/N: I normally find Ziva easy to write because she is a lot like me so I really have no excuse for the crappy shortness of this. Could I use the fact I'0 went to Splashdown with my best friend today? For those of you who don't know what Splashdown is, it's a massive indoor waterpark in Poole (go sometime it's epic)!**

* * *

_And it's a sad picture, the final blow hits you  
Somebody else gets what you wanted again and_

* * *

Tony nattered unrelentingly. His blood filled lips where moving rhythmically as he spoke, once again he was going on about his latest one night stand. Some flaxen haired, crystal eyed hottie that was probably at least 15 to 20 years too young for him.

_You know it's all the same, another time and place  
Repeating history and you're getting sick of it _

Sadly Ziva let his consistently unwavering noise wash over her unhearing shapely ears, this exact conversation had happened so many times before that she was no longer even remotely interested in what he had to say about his latest conquest. Absent mindedly she let her thoughts wander into the deepest; darkest; most forgotten and condemned corners of her brain, this was where all of her repressed and banished dreams and hopes came to fester and torment her.

* * *

_We've been outnumbered  
Raided and now cornered  
It's hard to fight when the fight ain't fair_

* * *

"Are you actually even listening to me, Zee-vah?" Tony's musical tones sliced through her mind like a sharpened pin through the flimsy rubber outside of a blown up balloon. POP! Ziva was back in reality, after having only briefly glimpsed the raving mad asylum locked away inside her mind.  
"Of course Tony" she lied to her partner with seamless ease. Her mind was a little frazzled from her temporary encounter with her 'weak' side.  
Tony, being the competitive, egotistical, slightly chauvinistic man that he was, did not believe her. So he challenged her "Then what was her name?"  
She smiled smugly (coyly?). Of course she knew the answer, it was the same every time he told the story "You never said". She flicked the end of her pen against the files on her desk.

_But I believe in whatever you do  
And I'll do anything to see it through._

He glared at her in annoyance. He knew she had not been paying attention to him. There was just no way he could prove it, her wit was too sharp for that.


	5. Tim McGraw - Abby

**A/N: Hi again guys! This is too early for me, and I got 30 minutes sleep last night so ... yeah, my mind has stopped and I have exams today!**

* * *

Once again, as usual Abby was alone in her lab. Always and forever alone. She was sitting quietly in her desk chair. Bert, her trusty farting hippo lay supportively next to her computer monitor, his glassy eyes staring at her, unblinking. In her fatigued mind packed its backpack with food, water, a map and a blanket and set off on a treacherous journey into the uncharted waters of Abby's memories.

* * *

_He said the way my blue eyes shined_

_Put those Georgia stars to shame that night_

_I said: "That's a lie."_

_FLASHBACK_

McGee had finally managed to pluck up the courage to ask her out. So now they were seated in a nearby restaurant, just the two of them. It had been glaringly obvious to her that he had been nervous at the whole endeavour. His choice of topic was one clue.

"So …" he began "Um … your eyes are very um … blue"

"Yeah. Yours are green" she replied, confused "What of it?"

He swallowed "Well your hair is black. But your eyes are blue. It's unusual, that's all" he coughed once. Another sign of edginess.

"My hair isn't naturally black!" she laughed light heartedly "I found that blonde and goth don't really work that well"

"Oh" a small chuckle snaked out between his lips "Well you have very pretty eyes"

Now it was her turn to be embarrassed "No … no I don't"

He was gaining in confidence "You do. They put the stars to shame"

This time she looked pointedly at him and spoke only half joking "That's a lie"

END FLASHBACK

* * *

The tiny little being that was her subconscious breathed deeply, it's miniature eyes screwed shut, as if it was wishing the world and herself away. Quietly, not wishing to disturb the untamed beast, it tiptoed along to another closed door. Bracing itself it gave the non-distinctive door a gentle shove with the tips of it's fingers. Ominously … it opened.

* * *

_I hope you think my favourite song  
The one we danced to all night long  
The moon like a spotlight on the lake _

FLASHBACK

Abby lay on the red and white patched blanket beside an enchanting body of water. Her head rested neatly in McGee's jean clad lap, her hair pooled out around her like a majestic raven stretching it's wings in order to take flight. A small wicker picnic basket lay just to the left of them. Beside the basket a radio uttered sweet whisperings into the dusk.

"This was nice" Abby sighed happily.

He smiled down at her "I'm glad you think so"

She closed her eyes for a few brief seconds and then bit her lip apprehensively "Tim?" she asked quietly, like a child would ask her angry mother.

"Yeah"

Another small silence "Will you dance with me?"

He frowned a little, at least his brow creased but then he spoke "Sure!" He got to is feet and helped her up. Tentatively he placed a hand on her waist and with the other kept hold of her hand. She mirrored him and they began to sway in time. Their bodies pressed against each other so that all that separated them was a few flimsy layers of clothing. Blue and green eyes never left each other, not even to blink, for in that moment it was not needed.

"How long are we going to dance?" she whispered.

He smiled "Forever"

END FLASHBACK

* * *

_It's hard not to find it all a little bitter sweet  
And looking back on all of that, it's nice to believe_

The twisted passage ways of Abby's halls of memories were stained with salted droplets of fluid as the being trudged dejectedly back to it's original habitat. It lay down with it's backpack beside it and curled itself up, tears pouring down it's cheeks.

Abby was sat stoically in her lab chair, her eyes still shut, only one sound echoed tauntingly around the lab, it was one spoken quietly by her own lips … "Forever"

* * *

**A/N: Clear sign you have been doing too much English work when you start using a vast variety of language features to describe a mind and curse yourself for using the words 'happily' and 'small'. And yes, I know Pauley's eyes are green, but for the sake of this just pretend. Also I'm not sure whether black is Abby's natural colour, I just know it isn't Pauley's. Shhh!**


	6. Mean - Tony

**ThisA/N: My brother dropped a ladder on my foot today so I am in pain! I also haven't been sleeping properly recently so excuse any abominable mishaps.**

* * *

_You, with your words like knives  
And swords and weapons that you use against me_

_You, with your switching sides  
And your wildfire lies and your humiliation  
You have pointed out my flaws again  
As if I don't already see them  
I walk with my head down  
Trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you  
I just wanna feel okay again_

* * *

Little Tony, barely into adolescence, stood in front of his high school breathing deeply. He was quite literally gulping in big mouthfuls of fresh, crisp air. His nerves were all over the place and he could practically see his bravery slinking away, belly to the floor like a frightened cat. Taking one last breath he stepped forwards and instantly froze. Aggravatingly, his feet felt like they had been super glued to the floor.  
"Pull yourself together boy!" he snarled through gritted teeth.  
As if scared into compliance his jelly like legs began to shakily move. Left. Right. Left. Right. He thought loudly inside his screaming head. Keep going.

* * *

_I bet you got pushed around  
Somebody made you cold  
But the cycle ends right now  
'Cause you can't lead me down that road _

There was a reason 12 year old Anthony DiNozzo did not want to enter his high school, for him it was a terrible chamber of torment. He was constantly teased for his floppy mass of sandy-brown hair, his uncomfortable thick rimmed glasses that helped him to see more than 8 feet in front of him, his oversized gangly frame that he was always tripping over, or the unfortunate bumbling, stuttering way he occasionally found himself talking in.

* * *

_You have knocked me off my feet again  
Got me feeling like I'm nothing  
You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard  
Calling me out when I'm wounded  
You picking on the weaker man  
_

"Hey DiNozzo!" A taunting voice called from behind him.  
His eyes widened fiercely, their lids shooting up, his pupils flaring like a dying star collapsing in on itself.

"Hey DiNozzo! I'm talking to you" the scraping noise of a grating voice hollered again.  
Flinching at every small noise he cautiously turned around and looked the approaching boy in the face.

"Have I ever told you how much I like your glasses?" With the last word barely past his lips, he snatched the spectacles from Tony's face, scratching his nose in the process.

"H ... hey" he cried and lurched clumsily forward.

"Wh ... wh ... what w ... was th ... th ...that?" He mocked, drastically over exaggerating Tony' stammer.

"Give m ... me my glass ... es" he tried to harden his his voice threateningly.

"N ... N ... NO!"

Defeated, yet still defiant he turned back and began to walk away. He could see a couple of metres a head of him so he decided he could walk away reasonably easily. However his legs were taken out by a well aimed kick to the back of his leg and he tumbled, sprawling onto the hard lino floor. Mustering all his mental strength he bravely got to his feet once more and kept walking away. Never in his life had he been more courageous ... the feeling of achievement inspired him to do many more things like it; there were so many more times to come.

* * *

_Someday I'll be living in a big old city  
And all you're ever gonna be is mean  
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me  
And all you're ever gonna be is mean  
Why you gotta be so mean?_

APPROXIMATELY 30 YEARS AFTER

Tony smiled as he looked over at the women sat opposite him. Abby was chattering on about something she had recently come to adore, and Ziva ... Ziva. She was just sitting there, half listening to her easily excitable friend, half skimming through case notes. Absent mindedly she was twirling her curly brown hair around one of her fingers. Tony himself was completely unaware of the face he was pulling, to any passer by who merely glanced briefly in his direction could instantly see the barely masked emotion swelling out of every pore, spilling out of his very being. The strength of character. The admiration and respect his cooling gaze held. And most of all the love.

Over his teenage years and his twenties he had filled more. What had once been skinny strips of flabby flesh morphed into hardened slabs of tense muscle. His hair was still floppy and had that Beetles look to it but it was in no way even remotely blond anymore, he was also still bespectacled but his eye sight had steadily improved until the glasses were no longer necessary. He had grown in height too, he had always been a tall boy but he had reached a towering 6 foot 2 inches aged 16.

* * *

_Someday I'll be living in a big old city  
And all you're ever gonna be is mean  
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me  
And all you're ever gonna be is mean  
Why you gotta be so mean?  
_

_All you are is mean  
And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life  
_And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean


	7. White Horse - McGee

**A/N: Hi. I'm in a bad mood as I think I have failed all my exams except maths, English, Chemistry and Biology, so ignore me if you wish. I also realized that I have a massive crush on my best friend, which is great! (sarcasm) SOMEONE SHOOT ME PLEASE!**

* * *

_Maybe I was naïve,  
Got lost in your eyes  
And never really had a chance  
My mistake, I didn't know to be in love  
You had to fight to have the upper hand_

* * *

Stupid, stupid McGee! Once more you let yourself be taken advantage of by someone you should be able to trust. You foolish, foolish idiot of a man! Seriously, by now you should know not to let people in before they have proved their worth to you, and how much they will never be able to hurt you. You stupid, foolish, idiot! Did you honestly believe her?

* * *

_Say you're sorry  
That face of an angel  
Comes out just when you need it to  
As I paced back and forth all this time  
Cause I honestly believed in you_

* * *

"McGee?" she had asked me, her face drawn in apprehension "Can we talk? … alone?"

Reluctantly I followed her away from the bullpen and into the secret cove behind the stairs, this is the place that Tony used to plot is devious schemes.

When we were both there she began to pick at the hem of her mini skirt nervously, she had not done this before, I can tell.

"So?" I said shortly, that was a bit harsh Tim, can you not see that she is upset. Don't defend her! A mental battle of Trafalgar took place in my mind as I looked at her.

"I … I …" she stumbled over her words, I have never seen her like this – my heart softens, but only a little. "I'm sorry for the way I t … treated you" she is on the verge of tears.

I began to start to pace around the cubby hole, trying desperately to process the information, while Abby looked at me all the time, her angelic face fearful.

_And there you are on your knees,  
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me  
Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry_

Eventually I stopped, my mind still reeling from the two small words Abby had uttered, but the picture of what I had to do was clear enough "I'm sorry too, Abby. Really I am … I can't do this again" I turned my back on her as her eyes swelled "I'm sorry" with that I left her there. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her lean heavily against the wall, as if in some sort of unbelieving trance, and slide shakily to the floor.

* * *

_Holding on  
The days drag on  
Stupid girl,  
I should have known, I should have known_

_That I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale,  
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,  
Lead her up the stairwell  
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,  
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down,  
Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around_

* * *

It has been a week since that day. The day I stopped living in a dream land, in a land where no one hurt anyone else and they all lived in harmony together. Peaceful. Real life is not like that, I know this now. She … Abby … made me realize that it was all too hopeful. I would use an oxymoron and say that life is bitter-sweet, except it is not. Life is just bitter. It leaves a disgusting taste in your mouth as it rips the warm silk of contentment from you begging soul. It blackens you heart, leaving it useless and devoid of emotion. That is what I have learnt recently.

* * *

_Say you're sorry  
That face of an angel  
Comes out just when you need it to  
As I paced back and forth all this time  
Cause I honestly believed in you_

* * *

I saw her the other day, bumped into her accidentally, I've been trying to avoid the heart-breaker as much as I can, this was obviously unaided by the fact that we often have to work together a lot. She tried to apologise, say she was sorry … again. She broke one of Gibbs' rules to make me feel better … did she not?

* * *

_Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa  
Try and catch me now  
Oh, it's too late  
To catch me now_

Stupid, stupid McGee! Once more you let yourself be taken advantage of by someone you should be able to trust. You foolish, foolish idiot of a man! You will never let yourself be duped again. Especially not by her.

* * *

_Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale,  
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well  
This is a big world, that was a small town  
There in my rear view mirror disappearing now  
And it's too late for you and your white horse  
Now it's too late for you and your white horse to catch me now_

* * *

**A/N: Oh and yeah, I changed my pen name because I thought it sucked. Have a good one guys!**


	8. Teardrops on my Guitar - Ziva

**A/N: Hello hello. I quite like this song!**

* * *

_Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see  
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be  
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about,  
And she's got everything that I have to live without._

* * *

My position sucks. I am sat right at the edge of the bullpen, so people always come up to me with their whining, also I am next to Gibbs so I often have the task of talking to him. And then? Oh and then there is the tiny little problem of the man sat opposite me, with his charming smile and his daring, flirtatious eyes. Always looking over when I dare to glance, flashing that irresistible smile that makes me want to leap out of my chair, tear his clothes off and take him right there and then, on the desk, without a thought to who saw. Alas I cannot. Tony is my friend. My colleague. My … partner. I could not do that to him, nor face the rejection myself.

* * *

_Drew talks to me, I laugh 'cause it's so damn funny_  
_That I can't even see anyone when he's with me_  
_He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,_  
_I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night_

* * *

Ziva lay in her bed that night. Her covers were tucked right up to her chin, trying to comfort herself. Beside her on the bedside table lay a little digital clock, its diminutive face stating the time like a well thought out insult that you could not come up with a comeback for – 3:07. She had to be up in two hours and at work in four, in just a few hours she would be near him again. Probably placing her life in his hands. Ziva's mind twirled with images of him: standing; sitting; running to her side in order to protect her and even telling her a joke, that was in all fairness totally rubbish but she had felt the need to reward his futile efforts at cheering her up with an unfeminine chuckle.

* * *

_He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar  
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star  
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do_

* * *

All that was audible in the dawny darkness of the early morning was the steady thud of the trembling woman's feet against the hardened surface that is tarmac. She ran to forget the pain of seeing Tony every day, of watching but never being able to touch … to hold. Blistering rivulets of searing acidic tears gushed down her cold-bitten cheeks as she pumped the never ending rhythm out onto the side walk. Even when her legs began to burn, her heart started to stumble over its own dramatically increased beat, she never stopped. The dreadful pain made her feel alive. It reminded her that she still felt human.

* * *

_Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?  
And there he goes, so perfectly,  
The kind of flawless I wish I could be_

* * *

His arm brushed past me today. For one brief second our flesh met and our eyes connected on a level that was more than friendly eye contact, and I could not breathe. My immediate reaction is to run to the bathroom and give myself a lesson in basic self-control. The door slammed shut behind me loudly, I did not care. Breathing deeply, trying to stop myself from spiralling into unconsciousness, I took hold of the edge of the sink and stared into the almost blank mirror at my shivering reflection. Weak! Weak! Weak! Tony DiNozzo is not yours. His perfection belongs to another. Your weakness is pitiful, Ziva.

_So I drive home alone._  
_As I turn out the light_  
_I'll put his picture down_  
_And maybe get some sleep tonight._

Ziva ran again. Ran from the building to the car. Drove incredibly fast. Ran from the car to her apartment, to her bed. And then nothing. Her cellphone began to vibrate so she extended her arm, snapped up the phone and lobbed it as hard as she could at the wall. She did not move even when the back came flying off, when the battery ricocheted off her dresser and landed on the floor with a violent crash.

Sleep. Go to sleep. Let it carry you away from everything. Forget everything. Sleep. Sleep.

Sleep …

* * *

_Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see._

* * *

He looked over at me, is face set in a calm revere.

"You alright Ziva?" He asked me kindly.

I could not help but avoid his eyes. Lie better you stupid girl! Forcing my eyes into his I smiled, maybe plausibly, "I'm fine Tony"

* * *

_'Cause he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar  
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart  
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do  
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough  
And he's all that I need to fall into._


	9. Blank Space - Abby

**A/N: Slightly different style this one. At school today my friends Abi and Eliza were having a discussion about psychics and I just suddenly said "There's no such thing as psychics" neither of them understood, please say that some of you understand. Also Abi has decided to get me Mark Harmon for Christmas because I gave her (in her opinion) an amazing gift. It was Dean's necklace from Supernatural. **

* * *

Abby trudged down the darkened road. She had no idea what time it was but it must have been late as there was barely anyone out. Her ipod was plugged in to her ears and music was playing softly, if that could be used to describe the music Abby listened to. As her favourite song ended, another one began to play, one she had not heard before. Pop was not really her style but a friend had suggested it to her so she had downloaded it, intending to check it out.

* * *

_Nice to meet you, where you been?  
I could show you incredible things  
Magic, madness, heaven, sin  
Saw you there and I thought  
Oh my God, look at that face  
You look like my next mistake  
Love's a game, wanna play?_

The words made her halt, like a marionette puppet, who's master had suddenly stopped tugging on the millimeter thick strings. Could that be how people saw her? She wondered. Tony of course but her? Abby knew she had treated some men badly in the past, but she had never thought of herself as a 'player', so to speak. That is of course, until now. Quickly, she headed homewards, where she then sat on her couch and thought. Letting the song play again in the background of her disbelief. Mistakes happen to even the best, she mentally assured herself, even Gibbs. Right?

* * *

_New money, suit and tie  
I can read you like a magazine  
Ain't it funny, rumors fly  
And I know you heard about me  
So hey, let's be friends  
I'm dying to see how this one ends  
Grab your passport and my hand  
I can make the bad guys good for a weekend_

She had always been reasonably good at reading people. Obviously, she did not have a Gibbs gut, but she could get by on it. McGee had been easy because of his sweet innocence, his heart was open and accessible. And she had taken advantage of his beautiful, treasured kindness and twisted it into a harsh, unforgiving terror. To make matters worse he had heard of her before, read one of her papers.

* * *

_So it's gonna be forever_  
_Or it's gonna go down in flames_  
_You can tell me when it's over_  
_If the high was worth the pain_  
_Got a long list of ex-lovers_  
_They'll tell you I'm insane_  
_'Cause you know I love the players_  
_And you love the game_

At first, at the start of their budding relationship she had assumed it would be a casual, short-term fling, but as she had grown to know him and let him in more, she realized that might not be the case. It had terrified her and she had bolted, an agitated racehorse from its owner.

* * *

_'Cause we're young and we're reckless_  
_We'll take this way too far_  
_It'll leave you breathless_  
_Or with a nasty scar_  
_Got a long list of ex-lovers_  
_They'll tell you I'm insane_  
_But I've got a blank space, baby_  
_And I'll write your name_

Nasty scar? That sounded about right. Breathless? Yes that also, struggling to catch the vital elixir that supports life. A pen magically appeared in her hand, a scribbled on piece of paper lying on the table, his name scrawled a thousand times over and over. Abby cast her pen across the room in disgust, tears falling, hands trembling.

"I'm going mad" she whispered to herself, her breathe catching as she spoke.

* * *

_Cherry lips, crystal skies_  
_I could show you incredible things_  
_Stolen kisses, pretty lies_  
_You're the King, baby, I'm your Queen_  
_Find out what you want_  
_Be that girl for a month_  
_Wait, the worst is yet to come, oh no_

McGee was going to be around for a long time, they worked in the same place for goodness sake. This was why Gibbs' rules were there, to protect from pain. As if they did not see enough in their line of work. It was so hard for her to go to the office and see him there, acting like nothing had ever happened.

* * *

_Screaming, crying, perfect storms_  
_I can make all the tables turn_  
_Rose garden filled with thorns_  
_Keep you second guessing like_  
_"Oh my God, who is she?"_  
_I get drunk on jealousy_  
_But you'll come back each time you leave_  
_'Cause, darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream_

* * *

"Kate?" she choked out "I … I think I need help"

Kate's voice came back to her, it did not take a detective to hear that she was worried "Abby, are you alright?"

"I think I'm going mad. Please Kate. I need you"

"I'm on my way" she hurried "Just keep calm for me, yes? And stay on the phone"

"Okay"

* * *

_Boys only want love if it's torture  
Don't say I didn't say, I didn't warn ya  
Boys only want love if it's torture  
Don't say I didn't say, I didn't warn ya_

Abby could not say how wrong the song was. Torture was torture. There was no other way of putting it. Hell was hell. It was not right.

"Abby!" Kate knocked on the door.

"Kate"

She rushed to her side through the unlocked door "What's up?"

"I've done something terrible" Abby sobbed.

* * *

_Screaming, crying, perfect storms  
I can make all the tables turn  
Rose garden filled with thorns_

_'Cause, darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream_


	10. Ours - Tony

**A/N: Guest pointed out that in the last chapter Kate made everything suck, I would like to say that I wrote it with Ziva origionally but timelines and all so I replaced her with Kate. Last day of school before Christmas! So tomorrow I am going to the cinema with my friends Becca and Ellie to see the new Tinkerbell film. There is nothing wrong with an 18 year old, a 14 year old and a 13 year old watching Tinkerbell! **

**This takes place after Somalia, but before Ziva becomes an American Citizen (so she's feeling vulnerable).**

* * *

_Elevator buttons and morning air  
Strangers' silence makes me wanna take the stairs  
If you were here we'd laugh about their vacant stares  
But right now my time is theirs_

* * *

Tony smiled awkwardly at the other occupants of the elevator. He had absolutely no idea who they were, he had never seen them before, they did not acknowledge his presence in the slightest.

* * *

_Seems like there's always someone who disapproves  
They'll judge it like they know about me and you  
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do  
The jury's out, but my choice is you_

* * *

Trying to make conversation with the other men, Tony attempted small talk "Weather's cold out"

Again, he got no recognition from the men.

Okay, he mouthed to himself "My car wouldn't start, boss is going to kill me" even he could sense that it was probably best to shut is mouth for a moment.

* * *

_You never know what people have up their sleeves_  
_Ghosts from your past gonna jump out at me_  
_Lurking in the shadows with their lip gloss smiles_  
_But I don't care 'cause right now you're mine_

* * *

When the men followed him from the elevator to the bullpen he frowned, maybe he had pissed these people off with his pathetic attempts at conversation.

"Ziva David" The man from the elevator said "I am ordered to take you back to Tel Aviv"

Tony leapt to his feet in protest, not caring about the various possible consequences "What?"

Ziva just sat there with her head down, trying to control her voice she spoke "Why?"

Vance was leaning over the rail, he had expected this to happen and wanted to be able to intervene if the stand-off got too heated.

"Director David has requested you presence"

"She's not going with you" Tony was surprised at the defiance in his own voice.

The Mossad agent looked at him in amusement "Agent DiNozzo, you have no say in the matter. David is a Mossad operative, and has to do as the Director orders"

Tony glanced over at Ziva who was quietly collecting her equipment, and then over at the confused McGee, who had just entered "Tim, go and get Gibbs" he crossed to the opposite desk where Ziva was just keeping her head down, he walked straight past the out-held arm of the Mossad agent to his friend.

* * *

_Don't you worry your pretty little mind  
People throw rocks at things that shine  
And life makes love look hard  
The stakes are high, the water's rough  
But this love is ours_

* * *

McGee returned some two minutes later with a Gibbs in tow. When they arrived Tony was right up in the men's faces, Ziva trying to get him to leave it, that she would go.

"You stay where you are" Gibbs instructed, Tony stepped back.

"Agent Gibbs. We have been instructed to take Officer David back to Israel"

Now it was Gibbs' turn to intimidate them "You tell your Director, that Officer David is staying here"

* * *

_And it's not theirs to speculate_  
_If it's wrong and_  
_Your hands are tough_  
_But they are where mine belong and_  
_I'll fight their doubt and give you faith_  
_With this song for you_

* * *

This time it was Tony who was following Ziva into the opposite gender's bathroom. There were very few times that he had seen her upset and vulnerable, Somalia was one, this was another. The presence of Mossad had really shaken her up, last time she had seen Mossad she had been captured, raped and tortured.

Because he had known her for so long, he knew that now was not the time for words, instead he took her hands in his and brought them to his lips. Green eyes never left her brown. Swelling tears began to grow in her eyes. Pulling her in to him in a loving hug was the only option.

He did not attempt to sooth her, uttered no words of comfort. He just held her while she cried.

* * *

_So don't you worry your pretty little mind_  
_People throw rocks at things that shine_  
_And life makes love look hard_  
_Don't you worry your pretty little mind_  
_People throw rocks at things that shine_  
_But they can't take what's ours_  
_They can't take what's ours_


	11. Story Of Us - McGee

**A/N: Tinkerbell was pretty amazing yesterday, my Mom couldn't believe that we were going to see it though. Considering the morality of some of the TV we grew up with Tinkerbell is awesome! Also my imagination is failing … I apologize for the fact that this is over half song lyrics.**

* * *

_I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us,  
How we met and the sparks flew instantly,  
People would say, "They're the lucky ones."  
I used to know my place was a spot next to you,  
Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat,  
'Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on._

* * *

"Hello Abby" McGee said awkwardly. It was the morning after the night before. Their first night together

She jumped around "McGee! What are you doing here? Where's Gibbs?"

"He sent me down to see what you have … and to help you"

Her face flashed with slight fear "Oh. Well I have nothing yet and I need no help"

McGee shrugged "I'll tell Gibbs"

* * *

_Oh, a simple complication,_  
_Miscommunications lead to fall-out._  
_So many things that I wish you knew,_  
_So many walls that I can't break through._

* * *

He stepped outside and heard her call his name. Not daring to face her again, he hurried to the elevator and pressed the button repeatedly.

* * *

_Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking,_  
_And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?_  
_I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate when it all broke down,_  
_And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now._

* * *

They stood next to each other in the bullpen, surrounded by Kate, Tony and Gibbs. They were all stuck on a case, so had all banded together, to try and solve it.

"Ooh!" Kate squeaked "What about Goodman's niece?"

Tony flicked a couple of pages "Alibi. Out with friends: Karen Bridge and Maria Portman"

McGee kept casting glances over at Abby, who was making a point of not looking at him.

* * *

_Next chapter._

"Forget it McGee!" she yelled "It's over!"

McGee stumbled back a few paces, shocked, stunned. Then he turned is back and walked away, heartbroken but still strong … ish.

* * *

_Oh, I'm scared to see the ending,_  
_Why are we pretending this is nothing?_  
_I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how,_  
_I've never heard silence quite this loud._

* * *

No music was playing when he entered Abby's lab. None at all. Complete and utter silence. It was certainly a strange sight and sound to behold. Quite frankly it was a little frightening. Their relationship was suddenly just over and there was nothing he could do to correct it.

* * *

_Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking,  
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?  
I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate when it all broke down,  
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now_

_The end._

* * *

**A/N: I wrote this while watching the Strictly Come Dancing semi-final. Go Caroline and Pasha! (and Simon and Kristina, I love them too)**


	12. Safe and Sound - Ziva

**A/N: I really love this song, the music video is beautiful. This is from when Ziva is young and in Israel, I thought the song suited it. I do not know the age difference between Tali and Ziva but I will assume it is 4 or 5 years because of the picture Ziva has of her, Tali and Ari.**

* * *

_I remember tears streaming down your face  
When I said, "I'll never let you go"  
When all those shadows almost killed your light  
I remember you said, "Don't leave me here alone"  
But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight_

* * *

Tali was following Ziva around the house. Typical two year old. She loved her older sister to bits.

"Ziva?" the little toddler asked "Ima?"

"Ima's out Tali. She went shopping, remember?"

"Ken, Ziva"

A couple of months ago Tali had been kidnapped and held for ransom. She was nervous about being left alone, and always wanted her sister and mother, to her Ziva was her protector. When Tali had been located Ziva had smuggled herself in with her father to rescue Tali. The poor toddler had been terrified, and Ziva had helped to calm her. She had gotten into a lot of trouble for what she did, but she did not care.

* * *

_Just close your eyes  
The sun is going down  
You'll be alright  
No one can hurt you now  
Come morning light  
You and I'll be safe and sound_

* * *

Ziva and Tali were lying on the floor drawing pictures with some colourful pens that Eli had bought Tali when she was rescued. Being so young, Tali's pictures were unrecognisable, but Ziva was good at acting impressed with her little sister's drawings.

"Look" she held up her picture to show Ziva "It's you"

"Wow Tals! That's amazing"

"Do you like it?"

"I love it Tali. Where do you want to put it? Shall we stick it to the fridge?"

Tali nodded enthusiastically "Uh huh"_  
_As the two of them got to their feet they were knocked back down again, by a massive vibration.

* * *

_Don't you dare look out your window, darling,  
Everything's on fire  
The war outside our door keeps raging on  
Hold on to this lullaby  
Even when music's gone  
Gone_

* * *

Pulling Tali close to her Ziva scurried quickly along the hallway. The entire building shook as a bomb exploded, nearly throwing Ziva to the floor. She stumbled but managed to keep hold of Tali and her balance. The balling child was not helping Ziva move quickly and get her sister to safety, Ari was out with their mother, and their faster was at work so it was just them at him.

"Ziva!" Tali cried "I scared. Don't like it"

"It's okay. We're okay Tali. Ima and Abba will be here soon" she tried to sooth her little sister.

Ziva carried Tali down the stairs into the basement, if they were there then they might be safe.

"Ziva can you sing to me?"

Ziva nodded gravely, trying to keep hopeful:

"Ha'erev babayit, ner chag melavleiv" (This evening in our home, flickers a festive light)  
"Lezecher hapeleh beyerach Kislev." (To record the wonder of the month of Kislev tonight)  
"Haner hadolek, bo remez va'ot" (The candle burns, with its import as a sign)  
"Liy'mei gevurah, nisim ut'shu'ot." (Of heroism, miracles and salvation in that time)

"Re'u vehabitu banot uvanim:" (Girls and boys, please observe this sight:)  
"Haner mitlake'ach be'elef g'vanim." (The candle burns in a thousand hues)  
"Hu ner Yisrael he'atik, hechadash," (Tis the light of Israel, ancient and new)  
"Midor eilei dor oro yitchadash" (From age to age shall it be renewed)

* * *

_Just close your eyes  
The sun is going down  
You'll be alright  
No one can hurt you now  
Come morning light  
You and I'll be safe and sound_

* * *

"Tali, I want you to stay here for me. Okay? I'm going to get a few things, but you need to stay here" Ziva instructed "You understand?"

"Okay Ziva" Tali squeaked nervously.

Ziva tiptoed back down the stairs "Tali, I am back"

Tali sounded terrified "Ziva?"

"It's okay sweetheart. I'm here, and I got your blanket and bear for you. And if you're hungry, I've got some sandwiches and crisps"

"I'm not hungry, Ziva" she yawned.

"Why don't you lie down and have a sleep then? When you wake up Ima will be back"

Tali layed her head down on Ziva's lap, the latter pulled a blanket over them and handed Tali her teddy.

* * *

_Just close your eyes_  
_You'll be alright_  
_Come morning light,_  
_You and I'll be safe and sound..._

* * *

"Ziva, are you okay?" Tony asked, as they drove past the firing range. The sound of gunshots and explosions filling their ears.

"I am fine Tony. Just thinking about when I was seven" she kept her eyes shut.

"What happened when you were seven?"

Now Ziva opened her eyes and looked at Tony "The area around my house was bombed. I was home alone with … Tali. She was two and scared out of her mind. We were in the basement for four hours, that was until Ima came home"

"You're not in Israel anymore" he said, placing a hand on her knee "No one is going to hurt you"

She looked at him "There's no Tali anymore either"


	13. Mine - Abby

**A/N: Oh Christmas Eve, oh Christmas Eve. He he he, I realize that it is not an odd day but it's Christmas Eve, and I love you all. Anyone watch the Mentalist? I still have not calmed down after those awesome promo pics for 'Green Light'! EEEEEEKKKK!  
**

* * *

_You were in college working part time waiting tables  
Left a small town, never looked back  
I was a flight risk with a fear of fallin'  
Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts_

* * *

"Hi" Abby said to the young man that had just entered "Agent McGee, right?"

"Yeah. Um hi. You're Abigail Sciuto"

Abby mock curtsied "That's me. I'm Abby"

"I read one of your paper on … oh I can't remember. Anyway, hi"

"Tell me. How do I handle DiNozzo?" McGee asked. He was sort of desperate, Tony had been teasing him relentlessly, from the moment they met.

Abby patted his arm sympathetically "He's been giving you a hard time, hey?"

"Do you even need to ask?"

"Ah, I suppose not, give it time and he'll grow grow like you. Of course, he will not stop teasing you but at least he'll like you"

"Oh great. Wait, how long do you think I'll be around for?" he asked worriedly.

"Don't know" she shrugged her shoulders "But I'd certainly like to see you again, Agent McGee" she turned to walk away but kept her her head facing him.

"It's Tim" he called after her "Er … Tim McGee"

She nodded her head "Tim"

* * *

_I say "Can you believe it?"  
As we're lying on the couch  
The moment I can see it.  
Yes, yes, I can see it now._

* * *

They were in McGee's apartment, on the couch to be precise, McGee's head in her lap, with her stroking his short brown hair, twisting and unravelling her fingers into it.

"Abbs" he muttered "I'm tired"

"Yeah Timmy" she said back "And?"

He turned his head to look at her "I can't sleep with you pulling my hair"

"Maybe" she said bending down towards him "I don't want you to go to sleep" then she kissed him softly on the lips.

"Abby!" he whined.

"Timmy!" she mimicked "You should have gotten more sleep last night"

"Well courtesy of you, there was not much sleeping going on"

* * *

_You put your arm around me for the first time._  
_You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter._  
_You are the best thing that's ever been mine._

_You saw me start to believe for the first time  
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter  
You are the best thing that's ever been mine._

* * *

McGee's arm snaked around her waist, he pulled her closer to him.

"You realize we are sort of breaking Gibbs' rules, right?" Abby laughed at him, but not pulling away, in fact leaning in.

"I know"

"You've turned me into a rebel, Tim"

McGee looked over at her "Isn't one of is rules: It's better to seek forgiveness, than ask permission"

"Rule 18"

* * *

_And I remember that fight_  
_Two-thirty AM_  
_As everything was slipping right out of our hands_  
_I ran out crying and you followed me out into the street_  
_Braced myself for the "Goodbye."_  
_'Cause that's all I've ever known_  
_Then you took me by surprise_  
_You said, "I'll never leave you alone"_

* * *

Abby was getting really stressed. Work was getting on top of her and she began to feel like she could not cope with it all. It felt like she was failing everyone, her personal life was also getting affected by it. McGee could see that things were wrong with Abby, so he tried to talk to her about it.

"Abby?" he said

"Tim"

"What's the matter?"

She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off.

"Don't try and lie to me, Abby"

"Nothing's wrong McGee"

"Abby I said don't lie to me"

"Argh!" she cried "Nothing is wrong! I'm fine"

McGee stepped towards her "No, Abby you are obviously not okay"

She mirrored his action, taking a step backwards, away from him "I. Am. Fine!"

"No. Abbs, please talk to me, baby"

"I …" she faltered "I …" then suddenly she was gone. No longer in front of him but halfway out the door. Tears falling rapidly down her face.

"Abby!"

Abby was walking down the street, her arms folded in front of her, her eyes weeping steadily.

McGee was running down the street behind her, catching up with her "Abby!" he called again.

Abby kept walking and steeled herself for the blow yet to come.

"Abby, please, Abby"

Abby stopped walking suddenly "Just go" she said "McGee, just go"

"No Abby. I'll never leave you"

* * *

_You said, "I remember how we felt sitting by the water.  
And every time I look at you, it's like the first time.  
I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter.  
She is the best thing that's ever been mine."  
_

McGee turned to her "Abby"

She looked at him with her green eyes "Tim -my" she separated the syllables.

"I love you"

A wave of fear washed over Abby, but she covered it and squashed it down, so that is was too small to matter, one day it would come back and end them. Today was not that day "I love you too"

* * *

_Hold on, make it last  
Hold on, never turn back  
_


	14. I Almost Do - Tony & Ziva

**A/N: Merry Christmas! Hope you guys are having a great time! I've got a new laptop so updates on all my stories should be faster now! Anyone get any interesting presents?**

* * *

_I bet this time of night you're still up.  
I bet you're tired from a long hard week.  
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city.  
And I bet sometimes you wonder about me._

* * *

Tony logged on to his account, hoping that she would be on. Much to his disappointment, she was not. Obviously she was working, or sleeping. The latter was unlikely, it was four o'clock in Washington so that would make it eleven in Israel, in all the time he had known her, nine years, he had never known her to sleep before two in the morning. He gazed out of his window, over the city, watching all the blinking lights in the distance and thinking how beautiful they were, not as beautiful as his Ziva.

* * *

_And I just wanna tell you_  
_It takes everything in me not to call you._  
_And I wish I could run to you._  
_And I hope you know that every time I don't_  
_I almost do,_  
_I almost do._

* * *

He glanced over at the telephone, contemplating calling her. Or even going to see her again. That had ended … acceptably. With a kiss and a goodbye. Another goodbye. Maybe she was lonely in Israel? Missing the team: Abby, Gibbs, McGee … and him? He hoped she was. In a nice way, he did not want her to feel alone and be unhappy, he simply wished that she thought about them.

* * *

_I bet you think I either moved on or hate you_  
_'Cause each time you reach out there's no reply._  
_I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say "Hello" to you_  
_And risk another goodbye._

* * *

The moment Ziva switched on her computer she could see that he was on his own. All the way away in D.C. After their last encounter she was not sure whether she should talk to him. Would it be awkward? Of course not, it was not awkward when they had been undercover, but maybe that was it, they were undercover, this was real. She rested her hands on the keyboard, ready to type but then suddenly pulled them away sharply.

He had kissed her, and then got on a plane out of her life. What if he did not want to talk to her?

* * *

_Oh, we made quite a mess, babe._  
_It's probably better off this way._  
_And I confess, babe,_  
_In my dreams you're touching my face_  
_And asking me if I wanna try again with you._  
_And I almost do._

* * *

She sat curled up on her bed. Laptop open in front of her, the screen blank from the amount of time it had not been touched. It is better like this, she kept repeating to herself, this way she was free. She was allowed to discover herself, and find what she wanted. What if she what she wanted was Tony? But she was not what he wanted, that much was clear. If she was, then why did he leave her?

* * *

_I bet this time of night you're still up._  
_I bet you're tired from a long hard week._  
_I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city._  
_And I hope sometimes you wonder about me._

* * *

Hurried knocking woke her up. The laptop was still open at the end of the bed, the clock on the wall stated that it was five hours later. Her legs were folded up under her and her head was on the pillow, she creakily got off of the bed and went to the door. When she opened the door she took a surprised step back. Tony was on the other side looking nervous.

"Tony?" she asked sleepily

"It's Christmas back home" he smiled

"What are you doing here?"

He stepped in towards her "I couldn't live without you" no 'I guess' he straight up knew.

"Tony …" she trailed off as his hand touched her face

"Ziva, I had to see you again, I understand if you don't want to see me" he turned to go and tried to remove his hand.

Ziva held it in place "Are you kidding?" she asked "I have thought of nothing else" she shifted herself so that she could reach the back of his head, intertwine her fingers in his hair and pull his head down to hers. He accepted her gladly and placed his lips on hers. As one, they moved into the room, Tony kicking the front door shut behind him.

* * *

**A/N: To make it clear, Tony at the beginning took place approximately a day before Ziva and her laptop. I know it takes like 14 hours or something to get between the two places.**


	15. Speak Now - McGee & Abby

**A/N: JUST SAW THE DOCTOR WHO CHRISTMAS SPECIAL! I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW! McGee's girlfriend is made up in this because I don't know if he has a girlfriend and I felt she did not deserve a name. I'm not up to date on NCIS (is Delilah still around?), being in England I haven't even seen season 11 yet ... stupid England! I have decided that I want to move to New York or maybe San Francisco when I'm older just because. Oh yeah and Merry Christmas again! And if you don't celebrate Christmas, happy December 25th!  
**

* * *

_I am not the kind of girl  
Who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion  
But you are not the kind of boy  
Who should be marrying the wrong girl_

* * *

She wasn't sure if she was even supposed to be there, she had been invited of course but it felt wrong, she should not be a guest there. He had made a point of blatantly ignoring her since his engagement had begun. Their relationship had been strained and stretched, warped would be a fitting word, into something that it should never have been – hostile. She watched him with accusing eyes from across the room. He glared and glowered at her, warning her to stay away from him forever. This was not the way it was meant to be between them.

Today was his wedding day. His wedding day, not hers. She doubted it would ever be hers. Today should have been her wedding day, she knew it, she thought he knew it too. Today should have been their day. Alas it was not. It was merely his day.

* * *

_I sneak in and see your friends_  
_And her snotty little family all dressed in pastel_  
_And she is yelling at a bridesmaid_  
_Somewhere back inside a room_

* * *

Knowing full well that she should not be there Abby entered through the back and was immediately greeted by Ziva and Ellie. Tony was off being busy with best man duties so he was not with her co-workers.

"Are you alright Abby?" Ziva asked, her voice had a heavier Israeli accent than the last time they had met and her voice was a little deeper.

"Hmm? Oh yeah, I'm fine" she smiled unconvincing.

Deciding to drop the matter and have a chat about it later, Ziva took Abby's arm and led her away with Ellie in tow. They swanned past various rooms filled with various people. The bride's family were in one, all dressed in brightly coloured clothes and cheerful, smiling faces. Abby looked down at her own attire – black. It had seemed fitting at the time. She was going to a funeral of sorts, to mourn the loss of her potential relationship and her happiness. Shouting emanated from another room they passed, the bride was yelling at the top of her lungs, obviously not caring who heard. The unfortunate party on the receiving end of the angry woman's wrath was a bridesmaid. The poor girl was positively quivering in fear and Abby nearly stopped to intervene but decided it was not in her best interests.

* * *

_This is surely not what you thought it would be_  
_I lose myself in a daydream_  
_Where I stand and say_

* * *

DiNozzo and Gibbs were in the doorway of another room, their backs to the silently approaching females.

McGee's voice could be heard from inside the room "Everything's going wrong" he muttered dully.

"No, no" Tony quickly replied "It isn't. Everything's fine"

For obvious reasons Ziva hurried Abby past the room as fast as she could, Ellie still trailing behind them like a little child.

"Cheer up McGee, hopefully it will only be you wedding day once!" Tony joked, earning himself a condescending stare from his thrice divorced boss.

McGee sighed into his hand "Yeah" his thoughts wandered as he sat there all dressed up for his wedding. On this special day they chose to wander to his former girlfriend, Abby. The way she would always laugh at his terribly pathetic jokes and no matter what kind of horrible, possibly even life threatening, mistake he made, she was always willing to forgive him and make up with a hug. She was good at hugging, always had been as far as he could tell. But she was not with him today, she would not be the one gracing the aisle with her presence. He could not afford to think of her anymore, or he would mess up.

* * *

_And the organ starts to play  
A song that sounds like a death march  
She floats down the aisle like a pageant queen  
But I know you wish it was me,_

* * *

Everyone was seated. McGee and Gibbs were sat at the front of the hall, Abby, Ziva, Ellie and Sarah a few rows back from them. Wedding music began to swell into the hall and everyone twisted in their seats, Abby slower than most. McGee was on his feet at the front of the hall as the flower girls entered, followed by the bridesmaids and groomsmen, Tony amongst them, then came the person Abby wished had not. She held herself with a vain grace and in her self-obsession saw herself as a beautiful gem, gliding gracefully, contrasting different to the actual way she looked, a billowing dress; a stompy walk.

McGee had never looked more nervous in his life. In weddings normally, the groom has never felt so happy, and can never take his eyes of his soon-to-be-wife, but as the bride clumped down the aisle Abby saw his eyes flick to her. The second their gazes met he looked away, but she knew it meant something, it had to. Maybe he was asking for help? Was she to save him? Take this woman's place?

* * *

_I hear the preacher say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace"_  
_There's the silence, there's my last chance._  
_I stand up with shaky hands, all eyes on me._  
_Horrified looks from everyone in the room_  
_But I'm only looking at you._

* * *

Abby could barely watch as the service began, the preacher began to speak and the room was deathly silent apart from his droning voice as everyone listened in earnest. The preacher is speaking, Abby can see his lips moving but the only noise that registers with her mind is "Speak now". The room falls into complete silence. Mustering all her courage, knowing it will be her last chance, she scraped back her chair and got to her feet unsteadily.

Everyone's eyes were on her, his, hers, her father and mother and brothers, the latters glaring at her in disgust. Ziva was tugging on her arm, her mouth open is shock, trying to pull her back down but Abby stood defiantly. Gibbs's gaze was also on her, but his was different, he understood, he was encouraging her. The preacher may not allow her reason but prehaps McGee will. The only look she cares about is McGee's, he looks neither, shocked nor angry, neither sad nor happy, he looks blank.

"Yes?" the preacher enquires of her.

Running her trembling hands over her face and down her hair she begins to speak "Mc ... McGee, I can't let you marry her" her voice sounded as terrible as her hands stability.

People began to mutter amongst themselves. The word "crazy" cropping up a lot.

"I have no power to stop you, but you need to hear me out" her words were stronger this time and the room fell silent "I thought I could but I can't. Please just don't say yes, run away. Just please don't marry her, please Tim" tears splashed from her eyes as she looked him dead in the eye, his face was still unreadable. Taking this to mean he was going ahead she turned and fled from the room, leaving Ziva unsure whether to chase after her.

* * *

_So, don't say "Yes", run away now,  
I'll meet you when you're out of the church at the back door.  
Don't wait or say a single vow,  
You need to hear me out,_

* * *

There was stillness for a few second then the preacher spoke "Now that's over shall we carry on?"

"Yes" the bride answered immediately and the preacher opened his mouth to speak. McGee was not paying full attention, his eyes trained on Gibbs, who was staring back.

"No!" he suddenly stopped the man from speaking.

Now everyone's horrified faces were aimed at him. Her parents tutting angrily.

"I'm sorry" he said to his bride "I can't" then he too tore from the room.

Infuriated arguing broke out amongst the confused onlookers and the bride glowered angrily after her fiancé. She was not sad just mad. Her relatives were the same, positively livid at the recent events and the disruption to the wedding. Tony and Ziva exchanged a quick glance before simultaneously rushing to the door in search of their friends.

* * *

_And you'll say "Let's run away now,  
I'll meet you when I'm out of my tux at the back door.  
Baby, I didn't say my vows,  
So glad you were around  
When they said, "Speak now"._

* * *

She was crying as she ran down the road, her hand pressed over her mouth to muffle the noise as she scurried in shame, she did not know what she was going to do now.

"Abby!"

The shout made her stop, her foot froze mid-air and the slowly dropped back onto the pavement as she pivoted around to face him "You're supposed to be getting married" she choked, her head hanging low.

"No" he replied hurrying towards her "I'm not. I'm right where I'm meant to be"

She raised her head and saw Tony and Ziva barrelling around the corner of the street, practically falling over each other. Tony stuck out his hand to stop Ziva and caught her in an rather awkward place but Abby noted neither said anything on the subject as they watched from afar.

"You're not marrying her then?" she asked tentatively

"No, no I'm not" he was right in front of her now, barely inches away.

Abby licked her lips nervously "So you're not going back?"

He moved closer still "No, I'm not going back" closing the miniscule gap between them, he kissed her, sweet and tender, as if they had just been married "I am so glad you are here"

* * *

_So, don't say "Yes", run away now,  
I'll meet you when you're out of the church at the back door.  
Don't wait or say a single vow,  
You need to hear me out,  
And they said, "Speak now"._

* * *

**A/N: Oops! I almost went a bit Shakespearian in the second paragraph with the 'Alas'! So just pretend McGee's parents are dead, he considers Ellie one of his friends, and Ziva would come back for McGee's wedding (I would hope that she would)**

**Wow. I wrote a heck of a lot.**


	16. I'd Lie - Tony

**A/N: It feels kind of awkward to do Taylor Swift songs from a boys point of view because she sings from the girls! But oh well. My dad gave me a late Christmas present, it's a white shirt with "Don't make me GIBBS SLAP you." printed on it. Wearing it right now**

* * *

_I don't think that passenger seat  
Has ever looked this good to me  
He tells me about his night_

* * *

Neither of them liked the silence. Silence was something that destroyed you when you were all alone, it enveloped you, filled you up and stole all you hope and possibilities. They both knew that they talked too much, him especially. This time she was the one filling the car with words, he was simply listening, he loved to listen to her talk. Especially when she was happy, for when Ziva was happy her voice would adopt a different characteristic; she smiles, truly content.

Recently the type of cases they had been getting had been taking a harsh toll on all of the team. Cases where a forbidden subject at the moment, they were only permitted in conversation when they were at work. Technically they were no longer at work, Ziva's car had broken down the day before so Tony was giving her lifts to and from work.

"What are you doing tonight then Ziva?" he asked

"Nothing. Staying in, maybe watching a movie" she replied with a light laugh.

Looking sides ways he chuckled also "What movie?"

"Do not know. Depends what I feel like"

* * *

_And I count the colors in his eyes  
He'll never fall in love he swears  
As he runs his fingers through his hair  
I'm laughing 'cause I hope he's wrong  
And I don't think it ever crossed his mind_

* * *

Ziva is looking at him as she talks, her eyes sparkling with joy as she dictated the many possibilities of her evening. Tony was barely hearing her voice, glancing over sideways at her, so as not to crash the car. To him she was the most radiant person he had ever had he luck to lay his undeserving eyes on.

When they arrive at Ziva's apartment, she gratefully gets out, but does not shut the door behind her.

"Do you want to come in?" she asks, her eyes still dancing.

Trying to contain the huge smile that threatens to appear he nods "Sure"

As the end credits of the film roll, drunk Ziva laughs "I swear I'll never fall in love" then she hiccups.

A less drunk Tony laughs uneasily at her statement, hoping to God that she is wrong. Living his entire life without her to love would be the most unimaginable hell. There is no doubt in his mind that he would not be able to take it. His eart shatters as she looks at him – she means it. The thought of the two of them ... it never even crossed her mind.

* * *

_He sees everything black and white  
Never let nobody see him cry  
I don't let nobody see me wishing he was mine_

* * *

He had known her for many years now. In all their time together he had only ever seen her cry a couple of times, maybe 2 at most. Ziva kept it all locked away inside of her with a smile and a brief explanation of "It only hurts if you let it". She was strong, there was no denying that. Sometimes he just wished she would let them all in, they could help her, make her feel better.

They all have secrets. Everyone does. His is that he loves her. Tony cannot imagine having to wake up knowing that he would never see her again. If she died or left, so would he, she made him himself; kept him alive. But no one could ever know this, with this information they could bring him to his knees and make her feel even more pain that the impossible amount she had already felt and was feeling.

* * *

_He stands there, then walks away_  
_My god if I could only say,_  
_"I'm holding every breath for you..."_

* * *

Emotional did not even cover this case. He could feel that pain rolling off of his shoulders as he trudged slowly along, metaphorically dripping with agony. Then Ziva is there, she hold her hand up to his cheek in a comforting, no strings, way. Tears are also leaking from the corners of her eyes but she brushes them away, dismisses them. Then she is gone. And Tony is alone once more, with only his tormenting demons for company. His lungs strain, trying to force the air out to call after her, something is stopping, gripping him with such a force that he could not squeeze out the shout.

* * *

_I think he can see through everything but my heart_  
_First thought when I wake up_  
_Is "My god, he's beautiful."_

* * *

Ziva was good at her job. She was very good, being perceptive helped a lot with that. She could see through peoples lies, tell when stories were fabricated and could focus in on the important little details. The only lie she had never been able to spot was his denial. It was not denial as such, he accepted and understood that he loved her but he covered it up, tried not to let it interfere with their lives.

* * *

_Yes, I could tell you his favorite color's green_  
_He loves to argue, oh, and it kills me_  
_His sister's beautiful, he has his father's eyes_  
_And if you asked me if I love him_  
_If you asked me if I love him_  
_I'd lie_


	17. Fifteen - McGee

**A/N: I wrote this while listening to American Dream by MKTO, listen to it, I love it! Sorry about the terribleness I was feeling really sick.**

* * *

_You take a deep breath and you walk through the doors  
It's the morning of your very first day  
You say "Hi" to your friends you ain't seen in a while  
Try and stay out of everybody's way_

* * *

He could remember his first day at NCIS. He had not known anyone. They had all been lovely to him, welcoming. Kate was nice. Tony had joked with him and ribbed him from day one, but he now knew it was a sign of affection. Gibbs had been Gibbs, stern, leading, kind. And Abby ... she had, well she had been simply the best. Excitable, caring, charming, lovely, amazing, fantastic, sympathetic, the list that described past Abby could go on and on forever. Now she was still like that, on the surface that was, look a little deeper and you saw pain, suffering, torment, self-loathing.

Being different made McGee nervous, he much preferred to stay holed up in Norfolk than with all these new people in Washington. Abby had helped to ease the transition, then she had destroyed his life.

* * *

_'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you  
You're gonna believe them  
And when you're fifteen  
Feeling like there's nothing to figure out_

* * *

It had all been wrong, but at the time it felt nothing but completely right. To him it had seemed like they loved each other, well that turned out to be one sided, but again, back then he was none the wiser. Thinking back he could not remember her ever saying it seriously. Of course she had joked, that was just who she was, she said it to everyone. It was not reserved for him.

* * *

_You sit in class next to red-headed Abigail_  
_And soon enough you're best friends_

* * *

After it all ended, Ziva arrived and then she was the new kid on the block. He was part of the team and she was the outsider, Jenny Shepard had also been an outsider, he previous connection to Gibbs not easing the transition at all. In a way Ziva and Tony became his best friends. McGee would spend everyday with them, that was except for on the days off, he even went out with them after work sometimes. That was something he had never really done with people before.

* * *

_When all you wanted was to be wanted_  
_Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now_

* * *

His time with Abby had been simply wonderful! They spent many amazing days together. It felt like life was complete, he had everything he had ever dreamed of having as a child: a great job, friends, a lovely girlfriend to dote upon, perhaps even a future family with said girlfriend. Everything. It made him want to kick his past self so hard! He had been so stupid, he had imagined a life not even thinking that there was a possibility that real life was not like that. Real life was unfair, it would find every hope, dream and gleeful whispering and destroy it in a heartbeat.

* * *

_Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday_  
_But I realized some bigger dreams of mine_  
_And Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind_  
_And we both cried_

* * *

McGee had thought that he would spend the rest of his life with Abby. In a way he was right, they saw each other every day at work, but he had still been naïve. One day in search of comfort he had blindly turned up at Ziva's apartment where they both got incredibly drunk and poured their heartbroken souls out to each other.

* * *

_Don't forget to look before you fall_  
_I've found time can heal most anything_  
_And you just might find who you're supposed to be_  
_I didn't know who I was supposed to be_

* * *

Spending time getting over the past was certainly one way to spend your life. The other day he realized that the saying 'time heals' is a very common misconception, time does not heal, it only lessens the pain of the wound, it lessened the suffering but does not completely stop it.

* * *

_Your very first day_  
_You take a deep breath, girl_  
_Take a deep breath as you walk through the doors._


	18. Better than Revenge - Ziva

**A/N: Hope you have a good new years eve my friends! I simply adore this song! But I did not mean for the story to turn out this way ... honest to God**

* * *

_The story starts when it was hot and it was summer and...  
I had it all, I had him right there where I wanted him  
She came along, got him alone and let's hear the applause  
She took him faster than you could say "sabotage"_

* * *

Things had been going great between them recently. When they first met there had been some friction between them because of her family ties and where her loyalties had originally laid. Before had had found out who she was he had not hidden his attraction to her, although at that point it was purely sexual. Admittedly the attraction had been mutual, he was very handsome and sexy, still was. In the recent months she had felt her feelings gradually shift from physical attraction to one on a more emotional level. To say Ziva David was falling in love was preposterous, she had always been a lone wolf, but she was certainly becoming attached. Her past lifestyle had made it impossibly for her to form emotional connections with anyone, there was always the risk of blackmail, death and pain. Growing up like this meant that this feeling was un-felt before, to be frank it was scary.

And then she had come along. Caused a distraction. Now he was no longer interested in her in any way, Ziva was simply there now. It had all happened so fast, one day Tony had been staring at her from across the bullpen then the next he was besotted with this other woman.

* * *

_I never saw it coming, wouldn't have suspected it_  
_I underestimated just who I was dealing with_  
_She had to know the pain was beating on me like a drum_  
_She underestimated just who she was stealing from_

* * *

Ziva'd had the chance to stop it before it even happened, but she had seen no threat in it. How wrong she had been. They had even met a couple of times before, never acknowledging who the other was, never knowing that they would be later locked in battle.

The worst part of it was that the woman had known. Somehow this outsider had glimpsed behind Ziva's veil and seen her weakness – she had grown attached to something, to Tony DiNozzo. When Ziva had found out about their secret romance she had nearly fallen to the floor in pain. Her knees almost buckled, her legs almost gave up and her ability to breathe left her. She kept repeating her moto to herself, her mind screaming it through the crippling agony 'It only hurts if you let it'.

The woman was not the only one to be underestimated, when it was required Ziva could be ruthless. You had to be when working for Mossad. You had to not care. Be merciless.

* * *

_She's not a saint_  
_And she's not what you think_  
_She's an actress_

* * *

This woman did not care about Tony, she was just after a power trip. The feeling of ruining someone, burning them to the ground then taking their ashes and locking them inside an impossible box. So named because once it is closed it cannot be opened again

* * *

_Soon she's gonna find  
Stealing other people's toys  
On the playground won't  
Make you many friends  
_

_She should keep in mind  
There is nothing I do better than revenge_

* * *

Messing with a professional assassin was definitely not the smartest of things to attempt. They could easily kill you in a number of gruesome ways and in just as many inconspicuous ones. If you do ever mess with an assassin then you need to constantly watch your back, and your front and your head and your sides and just all of you. As well as your family.

* * *

_I think her ever-present frown is a little troubling_  
_And she thinks I'm psycho 'cause I like to rhyme her name with things_

* * *

The way she looked at her was, quite honestly, frightening. No one else noticed it, they all loved her, thought she was brilliant. But the looks she cast Ziva's way were triumphant, they were showing her true character. More than once or twice she had publicly slammed Ziva, saying exceptionally hurtful things about her, accusing her of being things she most certainly wasn't. Sometimes the others even believed her and would regard Ziva differently. Slowly they were all turning against her, to them she was becoming the enemy. The hatred that was constantly passed her way was painful, it made her ache, it made her scream, feel numb, even she began to believe it too.

* * *

_I'm just another thing for you_  
_To roll your eyes at, honey_  
_You might have him but I always get the last word_

* * *

It was clear that she had no idea about the assets that Ziva had. She did not take her seriously. After the day that Ziva had dubbed 'that day' their interactions had been rigid, each knowing the others intentions and feelings towards the subject. She felt power, glee, joy, strength, she felt evil. Ziva felt powerless, heartbroken, pained, weakness, Ziva felt useless.

* * *

_I never saw it coming, wouldn't have suspected it  
I underestimated just who I was dealing with  
She had to know the pain was beating on me like a drum_

* * *

This was no longer a power trip, this was a murder attempt. Driving someone to insanity was one way to kill someone in cold blood while appearing innocent.

As Ziva sat curled on her bathroom floor, knife in hand she let the tears fall uncurbed down her cheeks. No one was there to save her. No one wanted to save her anymore. The pain was crushing, ever present, yet it was freeing, non-existent at the same time. She felt nothing but felt too much all at the same time.

Confused.

Knuckles white from the pressure she gripped the knife with a terrifying force, her fingers nearly shattering. Raising the offending object to her arm she traced the blue lines lazily.

"I'm so sorry" she sobbed as she drew carefully "I love you"

The knife bit into her veins, dragging itself down vertically. The most effective way to slit a wrist. One an assassin would know. Crimson rivulets spilled and splattered everywhere, the knife falling from her loose grip and clattering onto the floor like a hurried drum beat.

_There is nothing I do better than revenge_

If all she was good at was revenge then what was the point of her if she could not even manage that. The answer? None. There was no longer a point to her, she should no longer be. Emotions always get you hurt, it is best not to feel anything. Life lesson. No point. There was no point. They were all happy. She made them unhappy. She loved them. Happiness was important. They deserved to be happy. She had to die. There was no point in her existence anymore.

* * *

Beside her on the blood stained floor lay a piece of paper mirroring her last three words ... 'I love you'

* * *

**A/N: I honestly have no idea where the darkness came from ... I guess I really am just a sadist.**


	19. Sparks Fly - McGee & Abby

**A/N: That last one was a little bit dark ... I did not mean it to happen, I love Ziva and I would never deliberately kill her! No one yelled at me for it though, so I must have done something right! My mind just span out of control … Anyway! I love this song, especially the chorus!**

* * *

_The way you move is like a full on rainstorm_

_And I'm a house of cards_

_You're the kind of reckless_

_That should send me runnin'_

* * *

McGee had always been careful. He always planned ahead and checked and double checked. Not this time though. This time he had just gone running out of his wedding ceremony, after a girl who had asked him not to get married, completely spontaneously! He was not even sure that Abby had planned her sudden outburst.

Abby was a wild child, she was her own woman and could not be tamed. Heaven help anyone that tried! As individuals they were complete opposites, he was reserved, calculating, she was excitable, headstrong. But as a pair, they were unbeatable. Their differences worked in harmony, that combined with their mutual level of intelligence made them the perfect couple.

It should scare him. Make him turn-tail and scat, like his fondness had made her many years ago. Surprisingly, it did not. Neither understood it, they just fitted together.

* * *

_And you stood there in front of me_

_Just close enough to touch_

_Close enough to hope you couldn't see_

_What I was thinking of_

* * *

Confronting their relationship had been hard. It had been his wedding day and she had interrupted at "Speak Now". Certainly an unusual start to a relationship.

A few weeks later, he was most definitely NOT married, she was most definitely NOT alone, but sometimes it felt like they were. At least she thought so. The thought had merely scudded across his mind, whereas it constantly thundered across hers, driving her insatiably mad.

* * *

_Drop everything now_

_Meet me in the pouring rain_

_Kiss me on the sidewalk_

_Take away the pain_

* * *

Their bodies crashed together, lips locking. Ravaging each other's mouths in a fit of frenzied passion and lust. The rain was thundering down around them, but they did not notice as they battled. Neither person cared who saw them, they craved each other, more than that, they needed each other.

Life around them had been falling apart, the tumbling building blocks of it crushing them with each forceful blow. Cracking bones, squeezing the air out their lungs, choking them in a desperate attempt to steal more life. Moments like this were their salvation: bone fused together, oxygen filled their lungs once more, supplied by the other.

Despite appearances they were not just life vessels, they were partners too, emotional partners, they loved not just lusted. The lust was a necessity, the love a privilege.

* * *

_I run my fingers through your hair and watch the lights go wild._

_Just keep on keeping your eyes on me, it's just wrong enough to make it feel right._

* * *

They were laid on his soft couch, at least Abby was laid, her head in McGee's lap, dark hair pooling around her as he absent mindedly combed his pale fingers through her thin, black hair. Their matching eyes gazing at each other, soaking up all the evil in their path. Never had anything felt so prohibited and dirty yet so amazingly, wonderfully blessed.

* * *

_Get me with those green eyes, baby, when the lights go down_

_Give me something that'll haunt me, when you're not around_

* * *

She was waiting for him outside the Naval base. As he walked past, she fell into step beside him. He could not bring himself to look at her, scrunching her nose up against the cold as snuggling closer to him. Earlier she had told him something that would change their lives, he did not know how to deal with it.

"What's wrong?" she asked

"I don't think we should do this" he said simply, turning his head but not looking at her.

Abby frowned "What do you mean?"

"I mean … we should not see each other anymore" he pushed her away from him, not roughly but enough to make her stumble a little, and to be honest, scare her too.

"I get it" she whispered quietly as he continued walking, leaving her behind, standing alone once more in the unfriendly car park as the light began to fade.

* * *

_I'm on my guard for the rest of the world_

_But with you I know it's no good_

_And I could wait patiently but I really wish you would..._

* * *

That evening she curled herself into a ball and cried, the pain overwhelming her. Not only was he not there to take away her everyday suffering, there was the added agony that his absence and his betrayal contributed. It was too much, her body could not take it all. She did not move until morning.

Work was just routine. It had reverted to how it had been when they had last split up. Awkward glances. Lowered heads. And the pain … it was unbearable. It seared their organs, burned them from the inside, making their brains twist and writhe in sheer agony, causing them to be unfocused. Making Abby sick.

* * *

_Drop everything now_

Plates hit the floor as they slide from her hands, pieces shattering everywhere.

_Meet me in the pouring rain_

Feet slapped against the wooden flooring as she ran unsteadily outside.

_Kiss me on the sidewalk_

Mouths met desperately, trying to seek comfort in closeness.

_Take away the pain_

Lips moved. "It's going to be okay" McGee whispered, his fingers knotting into her locks, reassuring her that he meant it.

'_cause I see sparks fly, whenever you smile_

Fireworks exploded above them, welcoming the New Year.

Sparks flew.


	20. Love Story - Tony and Ziva

**A/N: I rather liked the last one, especially the end bit (not to blow my own trumpet or anything). I was asked to do a fic to 'You belong with me' I have it written and will post it separately momentarily. I would just like to point out that the song playing in my ear whilst this was written was 'Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy' by Tata Young (SHE'S AMAZING). This follows 'Better than revenge'.**

* * *

_We were both young when I first saw you.  
I close my eyes and the flashback starts:  
I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air._

* * *

Tony sat in the chair rubbing his head. The beginnings of a migraine forming there. Today had been a very trying day, he had seen something he never wished to witness again – a strong woman feeling so worthless that she was coerced into killing herself. No one should ever feel that useless. It was not fair on them or on those who loved them, even if it was not entirely obvious at the time, or their love had been temporarily forced out by someone who truly did not deserve the love. He looked down at the hospital bed that sat in front of him. On the bed lay a woman. Her skin was a pale tan, her hair a chocolaty brown and her currently closed eyes a luxurious coffee. He leant forwards and brushed an offending piece of hair from her face.

Inside her dream world Ziva was thinking of him, at least if she was even slightly lucid she would have been. Recently, she had been spending her nights thinking of him, her day too. She had spent her life on him.

* * *

_See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns._  
_See you make your way through the crowd_  
_And say, "Hello, "_  
_Little did I know..._

* * *

Before Ziva had strolled lazily into his pitiful life he had been a loner, when Wendy had left him, he swore that he would never fall in love again … that worked …

* * *

_That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles,_  
_And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet"_  
_And I was crying on the staircase_  
_Begging you, "Please don't go"_  
_And I said..._

* * *

Instantly he had fallen for her. If it were not for his fear of love and rejection and Gibbs rules he would have asked her out right there and then, even if it had been her angle to seduce him.

Her father would never have permitted a relationship between them. Tony would probably have met the same fate as many of the victims they encountered.

"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.  
I'll be waiting; all that's left to do is run.  
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess,  
It's a love story, baby, just say, 'Yes.'"

Ziva's head snapped up. She had not woken up slowly like you would have expected, but instead rather suddenly as if she had merely been sleeping, not unconscious. Immediately she had scanned the room, searching for a threat. All she saw was Tony curled up in a chair, that was way too small for him, fast asleep, his snores resonating around the room.

"Tony?" she questioned, wondering if she was imagining him, if she was imagining all of it, she expected to be dead.

He stirred and looked at her, a big soppy grin spreading across his face "Hey Ziva"

"What's going on?" she asked.

Looking uncomfortable he redirected his gaze "Well you … um you sort of" he did not know how to say it.

She said it for him "I tried to kill myself" the way Ziva said it made it sound so ordinary and easy to manage.

"Yes" Tony whispered "Why?" he searched her eyes for an answer "Why did you do it, Ziva?"

Now it was her turn to feel awkward "I made you unhappy. She made you happy … I did not"

Realizations exploded in his mind "You thought we did not care"

Her eyes snapped back to him, accusingly "None of you did!"

He got to his feet and without thinking placed a hand on her cheek "Of course …" he choked.

Then she noticed the tears streaming down his face, rivers of sadness pouring over him, she covered his hand with her own, wincing when she saw the bandages.

"Of course we care! How could we not? Ziva … we all love you" he hesitated momentary before continuing "I … I love you"

Her eyes welled up, joining him in his sorrowful state. Their fingers, still resting on her cheek, intertwined with each other, locking together in a silent promise never to leave the other feeling as melancholy as she had. They had always harbored unspoken agreements, it was these silent contracts that had prevented them from ever being more that friends.

Then he began to grin and when she saw his expression she did too. When the other was final happy, they were too.

"Are we really doing this?"

He pulled her hand up to his mouth and kissed in tenderly "Yes"

* * *

_Romeo, save me, they try to tell me how to feel._  
_This love is difficult but it's real._  
_Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess._

* * *

Her father had insisted that after her recent instability she be taken back to Israel. Not being in any state to protest, she went with them, promising that she would return soon. Being surrounded by highly perceptive Mossad agents meant that her new relationship was not a secret for very long. And, as predicted Eli David was against it. He said having attachments made her weak; falling in love made her weak; letting someone become so important, that without them you feel like nothing; attempting to commit suicide made her weak. To him she was just weak. She could see the resemblance between her father and Tony's ex-girlfriend's attitude to her. At least her father recognized that he had shortcomings as well.

All she knew was that she would not break her promise and that she was in love with Tony DiNozzo, if that made her a failure then, so be it.

* * *

_"Romeo, save me, I've been feeling so alone._  
_I keep waiting for you but you never come._  
_Is this in my head? I don't know what to think."_

* * *

Hidden under all her tough exterior, even if it had been cracked by recent events, was a twisting mass of worries and insecurity. She was terrified that he would not be around when she got back, that he would have realized his mistake and run away.

Nervously she stepped through the door, her eyes sweeping the people that were waiting for their loved ones, desperately searching for her's. Just as the panic was beginning to swell inside of her she spotted him. He was leaning against a wall at the back of the eager crowd, he had not noticed her yet as he was engrossed in his phone.

* * *

_He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said...  
"Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone.  
I love you, and that's all I really know.  
I talked to your dad – go pick out a white dress  
It's a love story, baby, just say, 'Yes.'"_

* * *

As she drew closer, still a little fearful he looked up. The vibrant smile that lit up his face at the sight of her calmed her instantaneously.

"Hey!" he smiled, unable to contain himself "I've missed you"

"I missed you too" she grinned back.

His eyes were locked with her's "I have something for you … turn around"

Thoroughly confused she slowly turned to face the other way. Seeing nothing of any outstanding interest she turned back to face him "There's noth -" she stopped as she saw him.

"Ziva" he sighed, very quietly. His knee was beginning to ache and suddenly they were the center of attention.

"What … no … no. Tony? What are you doing?" she stuttered. Ziva knew perfectly well what he was doing, yet she could not believe it.

"Just listen" he gulped "Ziva David, I have known you for a long time … maybe 10 years. Until recently we never addressed the tension between us and …" he paused to breathe "And now that we have, I could not imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone but you. You will never have to be alone, to feel alone again. I love you … I talked to Gibbs and he … he said 'about time'" Tony laughed at the memory "Please Ziva, say 'yes'. I love you. Will you marry me?"

Ziva's head was spinning. She had been proposed to before, by Ray, but not by someone she really loved. Her heart screamed 'Yes! YES! Of course! YES!' while her rational brain held back.

Tony's face fell 10 stories and smashed on the sidewalk, broken into unrecognizable pieces. So this is what McGee felt like after Abby left him, and she when McGee got engaged "It's okay … I understand" he struggled to his feet as Ziva took a couple of steps backwards, scanning the gathered crowd who were watching her disapprovingly.

"Oh Tony" she whispered, managing to get herself together enough to speak "I do not think you do. I … I love you too. My mind has been screwed up recently, as you know" she tapped her skull "But I have enough sense to say this -" she took a deep breathe, composing herself "- yes. Yes, I will marry you. I could never marry anyone else" she was then almost knocked over as Tony barreled into her and swept her up in a tight embrace that could rival Abby's. The audience erupted into cheers as Tony slide the simplistic engagement ring onto her finger and pulled her into a passionate kiss.

"Don't ever scare me again!" he joked.

Looking at her left hand, then up at Tony she nodded "I promise"

* * *

'_Cause we were both young when I first saw you_

Finally they had both found what they had been looking for. It had been right in front of them both for all these years.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you guys liked this and did not get bored with my mostly (past) midnight ramblings! Until we meet again.**

**Jorja**


End file.
